What Happens in Soul Society STAYS in Soul Society
by Mw1993
Summary: A comedy about Renji, Ichigo, Byakuya, and Hitsugaya. Please don't be offended if you are fans of any of these characters...to my friends, this should imply all the character/person links that it seems to imply :P
1. Interesting Encounters

**Author Notes:** I hope none of you are offended, but I know my friends will be. This is my first fanfic EVER, so please be kind! Thank you so much...I wrote this while at camp and langweiling myself (getting bored in german). I was without internet for an ENTIRE MONTH!! :'( It was horrible. Anyways, you should probably not be reading these stupid notes and reading my fanfic, so get to it! whischish (whip noise) (jk)

**Other:** Do not own Bleach or any of the characters, just the words that come together in this story!

* * *

A large explosion rattled the captain chamber.

"There goes the roof again. Do you know how much those repairs are COSTING us?" Byakuya scowled.

Yamamoto flinched and his eye twitched and he sighed. "I told him that that was his last warning. Byakuya, take a vice-captain and bring Ichigo in for punishment. He can't keep milking his honorary membership of Soul Society like this."

"Yes, sir!" Byakuya shot from his seat and took off running in the direction of the vice-captian apartments. He considered choosing another vice-captain as he reached for the buzzer. He hovered over it, and finally pressed the buzzer of his recent partner.

"Yeah?"

"You are needed immediately"

"Who is this? No, wait-"

"This is a command. Come down immediately."

"NOW!!"

Renji opened the door, wearing only a towel. Byakuya swallowed hard as his eyes found his wet muscular chest. Byakuya's whole demeanor changed and he assumed a girly stance, pulling his hair back into a ponytail.

"RENJI!!" Byakuya squealed. He put his arms around his neck and leaned forward as his leg rose into the air. Renji quickly unentangled himself from Byakuya and backed away slowly, an disgusted and angry expression on his face.

"Didn't I tell you to control yourself? Your desires are none of my concern. Was there something you wanted?"

"Yes! YOUUUUU!!"

Byakuya lept at Renji with an unreserving look of pure adoration on his face. Renji quickly stepped aside, letting Byakuya crash into the ground.

Byakuya slowly got up, a blush creeping across his face.

"I'm sorry for that unpleasant interruption. Anyway, Ichigo blew the roof off of the girl's changing rooms again. He can't even PEEK quietly. We saw carrot-top from half a mile away. Your assistance is required to escort him to the captain's chamber. Let us leave immediately."

"Um...have you forgotten? I'm in a towel."

"Fine, change, before I do. You've got about 3 seconds."

The door slammed shut and thumping was heard inside. Byakuya could hear whispering, and pressed his ear against the door to hear:

"...sugaya, you've got to go! We can't be seen like this or Byakuya will-"

"TOO LATE!!"

Byakuya forced the door open with his Ban Kai: Fanboy form. Hot pink roses filled the doorway and made their way toward Hitsugaya as Hitsugaya shouted:

"It's not what you think!"


	2. Peculiar Events

Author notes (me! :D): I am slowly running out of material to write 4 this fanfic…:'( There is only so much randomness I can spew out at one time :P So anyway, I tried using more emotion 4 this one, and it is slowly lengthening the chapter P.S. Byakuya has multiple personality disorder, if you haven't figured that one out already :D

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach. Or Byakuya. But I wish I did :'(

* * *

Recap from last time:

Byakuya forced the door open with his Ban Kai: Fanboy form. Hot pink roses filled the doorway and made their way toward Hitsugaya as Hitsugaya shouted:

"It's not what you think!"

* * *

"Then what am I _supposed_ to think when you're in the same apartment as my BOYFRIEND??"

At this point, Renji butted in angrily, saying, "Boyfriend? You WISH."

Byakuya cooed, "Yes, I do. But back to the subject, you better have a good explanation, shortie, or you're DEAD." Directly after finishing this short speech, he flipped his hair, completely ruining all of his previous terrorization intended for Hitsugaya. "God, don't they make ANY good hair products that he uses? This hair is so DRY. Ugh. I'm gonna go take a shower as soon as I'm done with YOU," He said, slowly cracking his knuckles with an expression of glee on his face.

"It's not my fault!" Hitsugaya said defensively. "Well, maybe it is. I…I…I sort of got caught."

"By me? Yes, you certainly did. Is that your explanation or does it get better?" Byakuya smiled menacingly.

"No! That's not…not…OK, fine I got caught by Momo. I was…kind of…in physical contact with…Matsumoto," Hitsugaya stuttered. Byakuya's face showed shock as his facial features tightened into the normal disciplined expression that he had carried for most of his life. "But the real question is, why are YOU in Renji's room swooning over him like a lovesick puppy?"

Byakuya blushed and scowled, obviously trying to intimidate Hitsugaya into telling the rest of the story. "Wait. Physical contact? I didn't realize you were able to go so far."

"Do you have a better way to put making out?" Hitsugaya said, with a sudden burst of confidence, although still blushing.

"So what are you doing breaking rules by staying at a vice-captain's apartment?" Byakuya asked with a serious expression on his face, which told Hitsugaya that he was in SERIOUS doodoo if he didn't explain fast.

"Oh, come on. It's no big news that Momo and I…kind of…live together." Hitsugaya said, blushing, his confidence quickly fading as he thought of Momo. "Can you imagine a night with Momo after being caught with Matsumoto?"

"No, I can't, because that would be indulging myself in…anyways, I can't imagine it. Please leave his living quarters as soon as you finish gathering your things together. Deal with Momo yourself, coward," Byakuya ordered, a steel expression on his face. "Renji and I are leaving now. We will be back shortly. And you had BETTER be gone."

Byakuya walked across the room and knocked on the bathroom door. "Are you done yet?" There was no answer. "Renji! Are you OK??" Byakuya pushed through the door, finding it empty. "Goddammit! Now I have double the job to do!"

* * *

Author Notes (again :P): I'm sorry the chapter this time was so short, I ran out of material this time. But I promise I'll do better next time. I've done some brainstorming with one of my friends, and I have a lot of material to work with evil grin


End file.
